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See for Yourself: Mike’s Email to the Grace Episcopal Vestry Prior to Renouncing Christianity

Mike sent this email as a result of two events: The deliberate and illegal misuse of the flowers he donated in memory of his mother, which w...

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Breaking News: Settlement Offer Received, Total Waste of Time

We have some late-breaking developments from St. Dysfunction. Jeff “Sugarland” Chiow, Dysfunctional Bob’s attorney, sent over a proposed settlement agreement yesterday — a complete waste of time for both sides.

At this juncture, I don’t feel it’s appropriate to share specifics, but there’s one really notable thing about the proposal, which is that there is nothing in it that even remotely suggests that the other party is a church, let alone that the individuals involved claim to be Christians. All it is is a relatively badly drafted quasi-commercial release and satisfaction, and ludicrously one-sided at that. Additionally, nothing in the proposal would stop Dysfunctional Bob from his usual behind-the-scenes manipulation and innuendo aka “Is that healthy?” (Think a really narcissistic group of sorority sisters, and you’d have a good idea of Bob’s antics. Petty plots, power plays, who’s popular, who’s not. And heaven help you if you offend the girls in the “in crowd”—you won’t get invited to the next Tri Delt rush party. Horrors!)

Then there’s the perennial issue of Defamation Per Se Leslie Malm, and her claims that I am a stalker. Obviously, as an adult, she is responsible for her own actions, and since I do not view women as chattel, I don’t expect that Bob can or should control her actions. That said, nothing in the agreement would address those issues, and I am following up on those matters separately.

That said, you have to hand it to Dysfunctional Bob: He has probably managed a first in American jurisprudence, which is making a settlement offer in a protective order case. In all my years of practicing law, I never ran into such a scenario, as these cases are among the most binary out there. Someone either hurt you, or threatened you, or they didn’t. Easy-cheesy, and damned straightforward.

That, of course, speaks to whether Bob really feels threatened, and the answer is that it’s facially obvious he doesn’t. This whole situation is about his need for power and control, and his lack of a Christian worldview. And it’s telling, too — nowhere in this do you see any concern on Bob’s part for the reputational harm he’s causing to the church. Nor is my stopping blogging the answer; people may find Bob engaging, but at the end of the day they’re not stupid, and they know the difference between bullying and Christian behavior. Thus, they have a pretty good handle on Bob and his motives at this point, and it must be damned disheartening to realize that, in Bob’s case, it’s all a sham.

Of course, as one person close to the matter said to me, “We both know Bob’s not a real priest.” And to that I say, “Truer words were never spoken.” And it has nothing to do with Catholic, or Episcopal, or Orthodox, or high church versus low church or broad church. It has to do with Bob’s worldview, which is that his is a job, nothing more. Thus, one should not expect much from someone who’s basically a superannuated frat boy.

So, things continue to go forward, just in time for the fall pledge drive.

Fun times on Sorority Row.