Showing posts with label Grace Episcopal Church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grace Episcopal Church. Show all posts

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Bob Malm: Club Protest Membership Countdown


By virtue of trying to shutdown criticism by going to court with his facially false claims that he had been threatened, pseudo-priest Bob Malm signed up for the two-year membership at Club Protest. No refunds, late payments result in an extension of membership. And his decision to include Mike in his vendetta, his multiple lies in court, and his efforts to subpoena a dying woman, all mean Bob gets the special VIP add-on package — my online presence will continue ad infinitum. That’s right, Dysfunctional Bob gets the lifetime virtual membership. Hey, Bob always did think he was special. Well, he’s right.

So, this countdown timer doesn’t mark the countdown to an end to open hostilities. But it does mark the payout of Dysfunctional Bob’s basic Club Protest membership.That said, I have always believed in under-promise, over-deliver, so I also will no doubt extend Bob’s basic membership well beyond his original contract.

Hey, if he behaves, maybe we can even spot Bob some core body fitness tips. Heaven knows he’s been looking rather well-fed in recent years. And it fits — Grace Church aka St. Dysfunction is looking a whole lot leaner and meaner these days.

See you at Dysfunction Junction aka Malm Square(d)!

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

A Blast from the Past: Third-Party Observers Describe Parishioners’ Behavior as “Hateful and Childish”

“While they seem sane to themselves, the seem immature and hateful to outsiders who are looking at their behavior.”

An excellent observation, and one that I believe applies to numerous parishioners in this situation.

Screen cap from comments on original Wartburg Watch article about Bob Malm’s abusive behavior.




A Blast From the Past: Internal Controls Checklist

As the St. Dysfunction vestry meets tonight to discuss, inter alia, the church's 2019 budget, here's a great bit of context I came across from my old blog: A completed version of the Episcopal Church's internal controls checklist. The denomination asks that all parishes complete this as part of the annual audit required under canon law.

As you can see, despite (or perhaps because of) Dysfunctional Bob's 29 years with the parish, the church's internal controls are a hot mess. More to the point, there basically are none.

Needless to say, this evinces a profound lack of respect for the generosity of church members. I mean, how the hell can Bob Malm get paid more than many bishops, but he can't be bothered with basic aspects of his job, like this?

While my normal copyright forbids any usage or reproduction of content on this site, permission is granted to church auditors, loan officers, and bankers to reprint this and use as needed.

Here it is, in PDF.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

What Does Jesus Think of Shunning?

One of the recurring themes in the Gospels is Jesus’ distaste for those who served as a stumbling block to the faithful.

Given that, thanks to Bob Malm, every single member of my family has now renounced Christianity, I wonder what Jesus would say to Bob Malm today.




Look What Just Went Into the Trash

I was doing some purging the other day at one of our digs, looking to lighten the load of detritus that we all carry through life, when I came across a particularly good candidate for the dumpster.

Check it out: Grace Church in the snow. The photo used to hang in our entrance hall. And to think I wasted money getting it framed—sheesh.




Friday, January 11, 2019

A Shout Out to the Denizens of Planet Malm

First, if you have no idea what this conflict is about, do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut. Otherwise, you make yourself look stupid.

Second, in response to a particularly dimwitted parishioner who took it upon herself to berate me today, I have this to say to her:
  • Shame on you for supporting a priest and vestry that lie.
  • Shame on you for supporting a priest who commits perjury.
  • Shame on you for being part of a parish that thinks it’s okay to try and drag a dying woman into court.
  • Shame on you for being part of a parish that accuses former parishioners of being “domestic terrorists.”
  • Shame on you for supporting a priest who abuses his authority.
  • Shame on you for supporting a priest who falsely claims parishioners are mentally ill.
  • Shame on you for being part of a church that pays $100,000 bonuses, using donated money.
  • Shame on you for being part of a church that bullies Mike.
  • Shame on you for being part of a church that encourages people to commit suicide.
  • Shame on you for being part of a church that engages in shunning and other forms of abuse.
  • Shame on you for blindly following Bob Malm.
  • Shame on you for putting your comfortable little world of stained glass, Shrine Mont and church activities ahead of other human beings and the real message of the gospels.
  • Shame on you for being stupid.
  • Shame on you for being a hypocrite.
Shame on you, Sally Schneider

More on Bob Malm’s 2014 Bonus

By the way, when one contemplates the wisdom of paying Bob Malm a $100,000 bonus in 2014, especially in light of the church’s failure to plan for the replacement of the school’s HVAC system, it’s important to know that there were vestry members who wanted to give Bob the full $200,000. That’s right, folks, there were vestry members with so little financial common sense that they wanted to give away $200,000 of the church’s funds.

This includes Lisa Medley, whom Bob Malm later asked to serve as senior warden.

So, when Bob pulls his usual trick at the upcoming parish meeting of taking zero responsibility for the hot mess that is Grace Church, just remember: Bob appoints the executive committee. Thus, he is responsible for both its direction and its decisions. And members of St. Dysfunction have a right — and I submit, an obligation — to ask some tough questions.

All of this is donated money, and interest on donated money. Donated money should not be used to pay $100,000 bonuses. If Bob wants a bonus of that magnitude, he should get a high-level corporate position, rather than working for a non-profit church.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Grace Church by the Numbers

With Grace Church’s annual parish meeting now only a few weeks away, it’s worth looking at the effects Bob’s multi-year campaign of bullying and harassment, directed towards me and my family, have had on the parish. The data are not good.

In 2014, the year our conflict began, the church had 525 households and 317 pledging units. Total pledge income was about $850,000; there always is some wiggle room due to the late payment of pledges and pledges not fulfilled. Thus, the average pledge was approximately $2,681.

Since then, the number of pledging units has continued to fall, while the average pledge has trended upward, consistent with other churches in the diocese. In recent years, the average pledge has bumped up to roughly $3,600, while the total number of pledging units continues to fall. 

As things stand, the church hopes to pull in 220 pledging units, although 200 pledging units is a more likely number, and quite possibly not even that many. Thus, pledge income will probably end up between $700,000 and $720,000. But even with the church’s optimistic forecasts, best case is pledge income of $792,000–a far cry from past years. And many of the families that have been stepping up their pledges are clearly tapped out, with limited ability to increase their pledges further.

That doesn’t leave much room. Fixed building costs are going to remain about $150,000 annually, and likely higher as the physical plant continues to age. Additionally, should the church go ahead and hire a full-time assistant rector, it will be difficult to get total compensation costs much below $600,000. Throw in an 8 percent pledge to the diocese and guess what—we’re at roughly $814,000, which with income from the trust, investments, and cost sharing with the school, is pretty much everything. Nothing left to cover the costs of a loan for the HVAC, to save for the future, or to cover unexpected contingencies. 

Of course, part of the problem is the church’s current cost structure. In this day and age, when a church can hire a full-time rector with an Mdiv and a PhD for $100,000 all-in, paying Bob Malm almost $200,000 a year is questionable, at best, particularly given his feckless job performance — not to mention that damage he’s caused to the church and its reputation in the larger faith community through his efforts to suppress criticism.

At the same time, it’s hard to justify three additional full-time positions with full indirects, when in this day and age, so many churches use part-time employees. That’s not to say that current staff don’t do a good job—it’s just that few churches these days have any full-time employees other than the rector, and for many, even the rector is part-time or bi-vocational.

Where things get really ugly, though, is when one looks at the financial implications of the school. Producing little benefit to the church, the 50/50 split on utilities and other currently non-fungible expenses works strongly in the school’s favor. Coupled with years of Chris Byrnes’ empire building and rather lopsided approach to cost-sharing, and even with Patti’s much more collaborative approach, it’s a tough sell for many parishioners.

Freed from the school and Dysfunctional Bob’s current bloated cost structures, here’s what expenses would likely look like:

 1 FT rector, including indirects  $140,000
 1 PT music director, including indirects $45,000
 1 PT parish admin, including indirects $45,000
 1 PT accountant, including indirects $40,000
 1 PT assistant for pastoral care, including indirects $22,000
 1 PT assistant for family ministry, including indirects $22,000
 Facilities, including repairs, insurance, utilities (this is a generous number, too)  $100,000
 Diocesan pledge $55,000
 Outreach (not including diocesan pledge) $60,000
 Administrative costs $30,000
 Long-term savings $40,000
 Miscellany $40,000
 Total $454,000
 Optional: PT sexton with indirects $20,000

As you can see, the current combination of a 1970’s-vintage staffing model and the overhead associated with the school basically doubles the church’s cost structure, at a time when every indication suggests that church revenue will continue to fall in the coming years. 

Several additional factors also suggest that, if Grace is going to survive, a more modern cost structure needs to be envisioned. These factors include:
  • The fact that church membership no longer is normative in American society.
  • The lack of saving from current revenue for the future.
  • The church’s token efforts at growth and increased membership.
  • The discomfort Americans have with clericalism, and the profoundly negative effects clericalism has had on the parish.
  • The cavalier attitude towards church administration under Bob Malm, in which the entire approach for much of his tenure has been laissez-faire. Not good when dealing with other people’s donations.
In addition, the church’s lack of transparency regarding decision making, budgetary issues, and other important matters offers a powerful disincentive to younger members to give at levels consistent with those of previous generations.

In the meantime, the rapidly dwindling number of pledging units have done an admirable job of stepping up to the plate as people leave the church and stop pledging. But this trend should, in itself, cause alarm, for it is part of a very predictable pattern that occurs in dying churches. 

In short, Grace’s current cost structures and its approach to governance simply cannot continue over time.

Bob Malm and Church Discourse

As the final days of the 2019 pledge season wind down and the Grace Church vestry determines next year’s budget, it’s important to reflect on the values that Bob Malm brings to the church. Specifically, the lessons he teaches people about “respecting the dignity of every human being.” Or not.

Readers may recall the comments of one long-time parish employee, who noted the unhealthy way that people at Grace church talk to each other, and about each other, and Bob’s role in this paradigm.

Consider, for example, Alison Campbell’s fun and games with the altar guild during the time Bob Malm was out on disability, which involved stirring up the altar guild to try to cause problems for me, all while claiming that she was “just the messenger.” Leaving aside the disingenuous aspects of her actions, Alison undoubtedly felt justified due to my conflict with Kelly Gable. But in this, she overlooked both the fact that Kelly and I had resolved our differences, and the fact that it was not her place to get involved. Moreover, she ignored that fact that she never really understood that conflict in the first place, the spiritual aspects of her conduct, and the fact that her conduct has been profoundly damaging to the church.

And so it is with others, including Lisa Medley and her childish antics.

At the same time, Bob Malm has played a major role in these problems. For example, he saw no irony in saying to me, “There are people who have it in for you,” apropos issues with the altar guild. Of course, that aligns with Bob’s notion that people should solve their own differences—an odd idea when it comes to harassment, bullying, and other abusive conduct.

Of course, Bob also likes to stir the pot, and by doing so sets a bad example. For instance, I have personally heard him refer to Jan Spence as an “asshole.” Lisa Doelp he has referred to as, “like a little spy, always trying to find out stuff.” And the list goes on, including Peter and Cheryl Barnes and others, often postured as Bob taking you into his confidence. And folks, if you think you’re not included, I suggest you look up the word “delusional.”

It’s interesting too. Bob says that people should solve their own problems one-on-one, yet look at the many emails he has sent to diocesan officials, including Pat Wingo and Bishop Shannon; as well as to the Alexandria police department; and to Patti Culbreth, the head of school. And let’s not forget his messages to my friend Dee Parsons, and his use of Sugarland Chiow in court. All of these are replete with manipulative language, as well as references to me as “sick,” “twisted,” and “dysfunctional.” But the one person Bob has never contacted directly in an effort to resolve this conflict is me. Nor has he ever contacted my Mom. Nor has he contacted Mike, except as part of our now-abandoned agreement to end our conflict.

Healer, heal thyself.

Bob no doubt will read this and start his usual fun and games with Sugarland Chiow about defamation. But these issues are well documented, and parishioners can name many more incidents in which Bob has behaved badly. This includes his statement, allegedly made to Phil Smith and others as well as to me, about the former office staff, in which he said multiple times, “Don’t worry about it. They’ll be retiring this year.” Needless to say., many years came and passed, with no retirements. Where but a church can an employee like Bob lie to board members about important HR issues and keep his job? That’s right—nowhere.

By now, you’ve probably concluded that I believe Bob Malm to be toxic. If so, you’re correct. 

The larger question, though, is how much longer the church is going to pony up roughly $200K a year for this sort of conduct. 

If it doesn’t take action, I believe there will soon come a time where they will no longer be a Grace Episcopal Church, as it will have disappeared while wallowing in its own hypocritical filth. 

“Thy own words shall impeach thee.” Sound familiar?

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Grace Episcopal: Lack of Accountabilty

One of the recurring themes in my experiences with Grace Episcopal, aka St. Dysfunction, is lack of accountability. Lack of accountability by Bob Malm, by the vestry, by parish “leaders,” by Jeff “Sugarland” Chiow, and more. As I’ve said many times, where but church can a key employee, Bob Malm:

  • Lie to vestry members about important HR issues (“don’t worry about it, they’ll be retiring this year,”)
  • Lie in court
  • Fail to  adhere to basic organizational policies (like the canonical requirement that the vestry elect its officers)
  • Lose track of thousands of dollars in funds (like those found in the parish administrator’s office)
  • Generate facially inaccurate financial reports
  • Deliberately misuse funds (like our memorial donations)
And still keep their job? And get a $100k bonus on top of that?

I was happy to see that my sentiments about churches generally were recently echoed by my friend Dee Parsons, who tweeted this:




Saturday, January 5, 2019

Bob Malm’s 2014 Bonus Was 10 Percent of Annual Revenue

And that’s on top of the $25,000 parishioners donated to help Bob and his family after his accident. 




Before You Pledge, Know This: 1 out of Every 5 Dollars Goes to Bob Malm




As you consider pledging in 2019, it may be helpful to look at Bob Malm’s compensation in light of the church’s overall financial condition. Here is a quick summary of Bob Malm — by the numbers.
  • Compensation as part of total parish annual budget
    • Total church annual budget: ~ $1 million
    • Total Bob Malm compensation, including indirects: ~ $200,000
    • Percentage of church revenue devoted to Bob Malm compensation: ~20%, or 
1 out of every 5 dollars goes to Bob Malm!
  • Highest paid bishop on presiding bishop’s staff annual income, including housing, per DFMS annual financial report:
    • $166,519
    • Bob Malm annual compensation: Higher!




  • Annual compensation versus local average
    • Alexandria mean annual family income per CityData: $89,200
    • Bob Malm annual income: Almost twice this number
  • Annual leave
    • Average annual leave for employees with 20+ years’ experience, nationally: 20 days (16 days actually used)
    • Average annual leave for Bob Malm: 35+ days (all used) (does not include sabbatical)
  • Average annual bonus
    • Average annual bonus per Monster: $1,797
    • Bob Malm average annual bonus, based on $100,000 bonus paid in 2014: $3,333
  • Average Alexandria home value:
    • $476,900 per US Census Bureau
    • Bob Malm home value: $734,263 per Zillow (note that this number is probably high due to deferred maintenance on Bob’s home, lack of improvements)
Keep in mind, too, that Bob’s almost $200K in annual income is not the same as your $200K, or my $200k. 

Why is that? 

It’s because federal tax law treats Bob’s housing allowance AND his mortgage as both deductible. When this double dip is factored in, Bob’s putative compensation is well north of $200K.

So, before you give sacrificially, consider this: 1 out of every 5 dollars you give does NOTHING to fund the church, but instead subsidizes Bob Malm. And even as the church’s financial position continues to deteriorate, Bob gets paid no matter what. Ministries may lose funding, but by gummy, the gravy train and the good life continue for Bob Malm, even though church governance has been a train wreck for much of his time with the church.

Caveat emptor.




Bob Malm Allegedly Ignored Bank Complaints that Church Deposits Were Repeatedly Off

Almost 200K a year in compensation and he can’t be bothered to find out why? And why were several thousand dollars’ worth of undeposited cash and stale checks found in a former parish administrator’s office when she left? Why was this not detected before she left? Why after almost 30 years as rector does the church STILL not have the finance manual required by church canons? Why did Bob Malm not realize for many months that Richard Newman was overpaid? Why were church financial reports facially off for many months?

Why?


Thursday, January 3, 2019

My Comments On TWW Summarizing the Problems that Churches Cause Themselves When They Go to Court

Following are my comments on the appalling situation at Tenth Presbyterian in Philadelphia, which appears to be pulling a Bob Malm as it tries to sue critics into silence.

The full story and my comments are at:

http://thewartburgwatch.com/2018/12/31/what-in-the-world-is-going-with-the-lawsuit-at-10th-presbyterian-church-philadelphia/

————————-

As a former lawyer, I realize that attorneys often forget that the best solution to such situations is rarely a legal one. Indeed, going to court has no upside for the church, even if it prevails. One has only to look at my very similar case to predict what will transpire:

1) Phil will be seriously ticked off, perhaps so much so that reconciliation is impossible. As a result, the church will cement the current conflict in place.
2) Being unable to speak directly with Phil will prevent any further attempt at resolution.
3) Phil and others will take to cyberspace, resulting in tremendous damage to the church’s reputation.
4) Phil’s protests will move right down the street, and continue unabated, and others will join him, me included.
5) Tenth Presbyterian will gain a reputation as unhealthy, and unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
6) As has been the case at my former church, attendance will drop, as well as giving. (Average Sunday attendance at my church is down 17%, and it has lost roughly 1/3 of its pledging units at a time when it faces massive unfunded capital expenses.)
7) Assistant pastors and others will avoid working at a church mired in conflict and whose reputation may reflect badly upon them.
8) As frustration rises, the church will make stupid, unethical decisions, like lying in court about what transpired, and resorting to inflammatory rhetoric. In my case, the church’s attorney foolishly referred to the situation as one of “domestic terrorism.”
9) Denominational officials, who otherwise would serve as serve as a brake on stupid conduct at the church level, will sit on their hands, saying that they can’t get involved in a court case. As a result, the whole situation will be exacerbated and reflect poorly on the denomination.
10) Phil eventually will hire an attorney on a contingency fee basis and pursue claims for the intentional infliction of emotional distress, abuse of process, defamation and invasion of privacy. Discovery will reveal dozens of unsavory comments and emails by church employees and members, all of which will eventually get to cyberspace, and those involved will come out looking ugly, manipulative, and hypocritical.
11) Referring to Phil as mentally ill, the favorite smear tactic of churches called on the carpet, will simply solidify his resolve to stand up for himself, and rightly so.
12) At some point, once they realize they’ve painted themselves in a corner, folks at the church will try to settle, but they’ll take a litigation-based approach, including a confidentiality clause. No one who’s been through what Phil has endured would say yes, and he will reject the offer outright.

So, just ask the the Rev. Bob Malm of Grace Episcopal in Alexandria VA how all this will turn out if you don’t believe me. But if they choose to proceed, the good Christians of Tenth Presbyterian can’t say they weren’t warned. They will end up causing themselves lasting and possibly irreparable reputational harm.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Tenth Presbyterian in Philly Allegedly Pulls a Bob Malm, Claims Protester Has Threatened Them

In a move reminiscent of Grace Episcopal Church, Dysfunctional Bob Malm, and Sugarland Chiow, Tenth Presbyterian in Philadelphia allegedly has attempted to ban a protester in front of the church by claiming that he has threatened and harassed people. The protester, Phillip Snyder, asserts that he is protesting the coverup of sexual abuse by the church’s former music minister.

As part of its efforts, the church allegedly excommunicated Snyder, threatened to arrest him if he entered the property, and attempted to obtain an injunction ordering him to remain 1,000 feet from he church. (Guess folks there share Sugarland’s fixation with the magic 1,000 feet!)

The court decline to issue an injunction, and in response, Mr. Snyder has filed a lawsuit alleging that church officials defamed him.

In the meantime, I am in touch with Mr. Snyder and hope to talk with his attorney later this week.

To read the full story, visit the Wartburg Watch here.

To support Mr. Snyder’s legal efforts, click here.



Monday, December 31, 2018

Jeff “Sugarland” Chiow’s Inflammatory Rhetoric Comes Back to Bite Planet Malm

Last Sunday, when I got home from protesting at Dysfunctional Bob’s favorite intersection (which he fondly refers to as “Dysfunction Junction”), I discovered something startling: Hits on my blog had soared to more than 400 an hour during my hours of protest. The secret? I was carrying my sign alerting the public to the bogus claim, originating with Sugarland Chiow and Dysfunctional Bob, that I am a “domestic terrorist.”



Thinking the upsurge in hits might be an anomaly, I checked to see if one of my social media posts had gone viral. While traction there was good, neither did anything exceptional jump out at me.

My next step was to check others days when I used my domestic terrorism signage. Turns out results were consistent; hits surged on those days as well.

So, drivers going by when I’m carrying the domestic terrorism sign don’t give me the thumbs up or other signs of appreciation. But they sure do pay attention.

The lesson? Be careful if you’re using overheated rhetoric in court. The judge likely will, in his or her mind, slap the label “asshole” on you and either ignore your antics, or slap you with sanctions. Meanwhile, members of the public may slap the label “asshole” on you and pay attention to you, but in the worst possible way.

Small wonder Grace Episcopal is imploding.

Friday, December 28, 2018

The Rev. David Crosby Books Passage on the SS Sycophant

The Rev. David Crosby, aka Fr. Clueless
The Rev. David Crosby, aka Fr. Clueless
The Rev. David Crosby, a former member of St. Dysfunction and author of the infamous “Bobby Malm, You’re Amazing!” blog post has signed up for first-class cabins on the SS Sycophant. In his new role, David will serve as interim assistant to Dysfunctional Bob Malm.

Loyal readers may recall that David is the clueless individual who told me that there are “two sides to every story, and this is no different” apropos my conflict with Dysfunctional Bob. That, of course, sidesteps a number of specific issues involving Dysfunctional Bob’s conduct, including:
  1. Breaching confidentiality in a Title IV case, resulting in a (limited) response from the Virginia bishops.
  2. Including Mike in his vendetta.
  3. Repeatedly and verifiably lying in court.
  4. Retaliating for filing a Title IV complaint by instructing church staff to exclude Mike and me from all aspects of parish life—an action he later confirmed, in front of the Bishop of Virginia and the Canon to the Ordinary, was done as an act of retaliation.
  5. Attempting to drag a dying woman into court in violation of the law.
  6. Pastorally inappropriate references to me as mentally ill, dysfunctional, “sick and twisted,” and in one e-mail to the vestry, “a sad individual, starved for attention.” (The latter sounds suspiciously like Bob’s need for adulation. Projection anyone?)
  7. His facially dishonest effort to get a protective order by taking words out of context, etc.
So no, David, there are not two sides to every story, and under the canons, you are not privy to the details of Title IV matters, so you either have no idea what you are talking about, or Bob has improperly discussed the matter with you in violation of the canons. (If the latter has occurred, your obligation under Canon IV.1 (f) is to report the violation to an intake officer.) And just in case no one else has clued you in, retaliating against someone for complaining about possible gender-based workplace harassment and questionable financial practices is wrong, both in church and in the private sector. It is illegal in the latter. It is always and everywhere unethical for Bob to drag innocent family members into his vendetta, just as would be the case were Bob to engage in child abuse. No exceptions, no excuses, no explanations. And David, if you think Jesus would try to drag a dying woman into court, you are an asshat of the first order, and you should have done all involved a favor and saved your money, versus going to seminary.

There are some behaviors that are flat-out wrong, particularly by clergy, who allegedly are held to a higher standard. Period.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Bob Malm’s Claims That Grace is Threatened by Domestic Terrorism: Harmful to Children?

The Washington Post recently ran an article that was syndicated nationwide, “How many American children have hidden from gun violence?” The article examined the prevalence of lockdown drills, used to prepare students and staff for a possible active shooter, and the pyschological effect these drills have on children. The conclusion: Such drills, while perhaps necessary, can be profoundly traumatic to children.




That begs the question: As Grace church, aka St. Dysfunction, transitions to Fortress Grace, replete with “single-button emergency transmitters at the ready” during divine worship, rekeyed locks on exterior doors, additional outdoor floodlights and interior security measures, and new fencing, what is the effect on children, especially at Grace Episcopal School? Given Bob Malm’s efforts to stoke fears and manipulate perceptions, this is a legitimate question. My belief is that Bob Malm has deliberately caused stress and anxiety to staff, students, and parents as part of his efforts to get the upper hand in our dispute. If accurate, that conclusion reinforces the notion that Bob is a priest in name only, and has lost all sense of ethical boundaries.

Lest anyone minimize the potential effect on students at Grace Episcopal School, one need only look to Lisa Medley’s claims, posted on The Wartburg Watch, in which she claimed that parents have requested armed guards at the school. Leaving aside the fact that very few armed guards have training adequate to deal with an active shooter, and the fact that the last thing first responders need when confronted with an active shooter is to deal with multiple armed individuals, Lisa’s claim illustrates the damage caused by Dysfunctional Bob’s manipulative behavior.


Of course, I’m not a psychologist, nor do I have any way to assess the damage that may be caused by Bob’s fictional claims. But my gut instinct tells me that the harm is not inconsequential. If nothing else, Bob’s manipulation and dishonesty, and lack of ethics in this matter, sets a poor example for children who may be inclined to look up to a member of the clergy, no matter how unjustified it may be to regard Dysfunctional Bob in any sort of positive light.

There’s another wrinkle in all of this, which is the lack of common sense evinced by Jeff “Sugarland” Chiow. By virtue of his inflammatory rhetoric, now part of the public record, Jeff improperly sought to influence the judicial process, without any regard for the effect his dialogue would have when it inevitably went public. And even if his efforts to obtain a settlement that included a confidentiality clause had succeeded, this was a half-baked, foolish approach at best, for court pleadings are a matter of public record unless sealed; the latter is quite difficult to obtain. Thus, Sugarland’s references to “online rantings and ravings,” “domestic terrorism,” and more are all now in the public domain. As a result, generations from now people will be able to see these documents, and marvel that a member of the clergy thought that this sort of dialogue was appropriate.

But then, we’re talking about Dysfunctional Bob and a diocese that to this day declines to provide Bob with adult supervision, so no surprises there.


Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Bob Malm: Is He Dangerous?




Bob’s repeated assertions that I am dangerous raise an important question: Is Bob Malm himself dangerous?
Before we go further, let me say up front that I don’t know the answer to that question. But I believe there is reason to be concerned, and both friends and family members think Bob may be dangerous. Here’s why.
As I have said before, quite some time ago I concluded that Bob Malm, aka Dysfunctional Bob, is a malevolent narcissist.

Bob appears to be very focused on obtaining ratification, attention, and adulation, while simultaneously believing he doesn’t need anyone else. At the same time, Bob’s own needs seemingly come before those of anyone else — just look at his relationship with Grace Church. Bob is sure to get every last minute of leave and every last dollar of compensation permitted under his letter of agreement, but for many years he has been indifferent to his overall job performance. All of these observations, if accurate, would support the conclusion that Bob is a narcissist.

At the same time, Bob appears to manifest the classic “narcissistic rage,” when he feels he’s criticized, cursing, yelling, carrying on, and trying to intimidate others, despite the fact that such behavior should be unacceptable for any clergyperson. 

Coupled with this is Bob’s seeming sense of being special, of entitlement, his apparent ability to manipulate others and their perceptions, and his lack of accountability—all hallmarks of narcissism.

So, assuming I am correct that Bob is a narcissist, it follows that Bob likely manifests other aspects of narcissism. This includes projection, which is intrinsic to narcissism and at the very core of the disorder.

What is projection? It’s the behavior and thought process by which a narcissist attributes his or her own feelings, behaviors, and inadequacies to others. This allows the narcissist, who is outwardly confident but is inwardly very insecure, to avoid dealing with these uncomfortable thoughts. Indeed, this behavior is so much a part of narcissism that experts regard it as a way that narcissists “out themselves.” Or, as one author puts it:

All narcissists tell on themselves. Projection is the process through which they reveal who they are and what they’re doing...through projection, they call you what they are. They accuse you of doing what they are doing or planning on doing.” See: https://medium.com/@OwnYourReality/projection-the-narcissists-weapon-that-can-be-used-against-them-7ebb63848998








So, in light of Bob Malm’s claims that I am “violent and threatening,” (his exact words) and that our conflict is a “case of domestic terrorism” (from his court pleadings), one has to ask the question: Is Bob Malm violent and threatening? Is he possibly contemplating conduct that would place me and my family or members of Grace Church/School in danger?

I don’t know the answer, but my suspicion is that, if Bob thought he could get away with it, he wouldn’t be above a violent act. That said, my bet is that he would be more likely to pursue me, versus members of Grace, which appears to be a major source of narcissistic supply for Bob. If nothing else, Bob’s courtroom lies and decision to pursue an elderly dying woman in court speaks to his sense of boundaries, and what they say is not good.

My advice: Be very, very careful of any clergyperson who refers to current or former members of his church as “terrorists” and thinks it’s okay to pursue elderly, terminally ill individuals in court. No matter how you parse it, and no matter the underlying cause, there’s a serious issue afoot.