Showing posts with label lying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lying. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Bob Malm: Serial Liar? Mentally Ill? Or Both?



It’s been a while since we looked at the overall pattern of Bob Malm’s lies. So, with that in mind, this post gives an overview of Bob’s various lies, and explores the potential root causes.

As to the scope of Bob’s lies, these appear to go back years. For example, Bob allegedly told Phil Smith, who at the time was serving on the vestry and has a background in HR, “Don’t worry about it. They’ll be retiring this year,” when Phil brought up poor behavior by church office staff. Roughly six years later, Bob tried the same lie on me to induce me to serve as junior warden. I initially fell for it, but later called Bob on it. In response, Bob began volunteering that he didn’t know when they would retire — but without coming right out and admitting he’d been lying to vestry members for years.

Flash forward to our kerfuffle. In it, Bob lied to the courts, claiming that various phrases, taken out of context, were threats. Under oath,, during discovery, he also made the claim that two of my cousins, and my mom, “time and again” make meetings with him and canceled — the suggestion being that I am somehow the person making meetings with him. There’s just one little hitch — this simply never happened, and if you push Bob on it, he cannot provide any documentation of his claim. Guaran-friggin-teed.

Then we get into some of his other imaginary claims. Doubtless, Jeff Chiow had a hand in these, but at the end of the day, as one of Jeff’s clients, Bob had to sign off on any court filings. Thus, Bob told a series of lies in his pleadings, including:
  • His claim that there had been a church shooting in the fictional town of Sugarland Texas (hence Jeff Chiow’s moniker of “Sugarland Chiow”).
  • His weird interrogatories, in which he lies by implication, asking if, inter alia, I am the author of the Survivors Awaken the Church blog, since my story is there. Yet even a cursory glance at the site would make clear that I’m not the author, nor the publisher.
  • That I never served as a police officer.
  • That I never was licensed to practice law.
  • That I violated the existing court order.
Apropos these issues, there is a distinction to be made between advocating for your client’s position, and misinforming the court. In other words, it’s one thing to say, “Plaintiff researched the matter extensively, and found no evidence that defendant ever served as a police officer,” and proferring the issue as a statement of fact. Having done the latter, Bob and Sugarland tried to pull a fast one on the courts.

Speaking of, Bob and Sugarland tried to pull a fast one on the Pennsylvania courts. As Jeff no doubt knows, one must have leave of court in order to issue a third-party subpoena in a protective order case in that state. Yet Jeff repeatedly tried to bypass that requirement and slide one by on the courts. Needless to say, word in the local bar association is that Sugarland has ethical issues, and in the unlikely event he ever again seeks admission pro hac vice in those courts, he may find he gets a very cold reception.

There’s also evidence that Sugarland and Bob have lied in other fora. For example, Bob’s wife Leslie claims I admitted in open court that Mom’s blog is really mine. So where did she come up with that notion? Not that Leslie herself doesn’t lie when she is in the midst of conflict, but anecdotal evidence suggests she may have gotten that lie from Sugarland.

So where does that leave us? 

Clearly, Bob has been lying for many years, as evinced by his lie about the office staff. Not only that, but it apparently worked with Phil Smith, leading Bob to add it to his arsenal.

It’s interesting, too — members of Bob’s family, like him, lie when in conflict in order to try to get the upper hand. That suggests that lying in such situations is normative in the Malm household, which in itself is telling.

This view is bolstered by Bob’s claims about my serving as a police officer and being licensed to practice law. There, Bob’s lies appear to have their genesis in doubts about my veracity so like a lemming, he took the plunge and ran over the cliff. This, like his invention of the town of “Sugarland,” seemingly is less about telling a falsehood and more about a reckless indifference to the truth. The attitude seems to be, “I’m in court and trying to get the upper hand, so what does it matter?” In other words, these appear to be the hallmarks of someone who routinely plays fast and loose with the truth. 

In other words, my belief is that Bob indeed is a serial liar.

Where does this come from? All factors suggest that Bob is way out there on the narcissism curve, probably to the point of having a personality disorder. On the one hand, Bob loudly asserts that he doesn’t need anyone. On the other, he appears to have a strong need for adulation and accolades, and seems to routinely manipulate others to meet those needs. In keeping with this, it is almost impossible for Bob to take responsibility for his actions; even an apology comes fully loaded with, “I’m sorry you were upset, but....”

In keeping with this, Bob appears to be big into image. He’s very focused on how he dresses, how he looks, etc. Even the various roles he’s played in life, from captain of his prep school lacrosse and football teams and yearbook editor, to priest, to marathoner, appear calculated to obtain recognition and ratification.

Besides playing roles that garner attention, narcissists also are famous for their ability to lie when needed, even when the assertion is facially ludicrous. Just like Trump arguing that his administration comprises the best and the brightest, Bob is more than willing to claim he’s not ignoring the requirements of his job, despite the utter dysfunction in the church office, the shoddy records, and more. One looks at his claims and laughs, yet Bob seemingly thinks his lies will work.

Narcissists also are well known for their lack of empathy. Here, one only has to look at Bob’s efforts to drag a dying woman into court to conclude that not only is he a narcissist, but he may well have concluded that Sugarland is a narcissist too, and have played to that attribute. The fact that between the two of them neither appears to have thought that this would be counterproductive suggests not only a serious lack of common sense, but an utter lack of empathy.

Of course, at some point lack of empathy crosses into anti-social behavior. Is Bob a sociopath? I don’t know, but I suspect so. Thus far, I see no sign that there is any compunction against almost any sort of behavior if he thinks he can get away with it.

In short, my conclusion is that Bob indeed is a serial liar. I also have concluded that he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. As to whether he is a sociopath, I am not sure, but I lean strongly towards believing that he is. But no matter how you parse it, Bob is toxic. Charming, but toxic.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Does Bob Malm Know That He’s a Liar?




Poet Criss Jami says, “Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.”  But does a liar always know he’s a liar? In Bob Malm’s case, I’m not so sure.

Granted, Bob likes to pick and choose. In that sense, he’s both a master manipulator and a liar. But obvious, verifiable lies, like his claim, made in front of +Johnston, that church trustees have to be vestry members, often pop out on the fly to suit Bob’s purpose. Others become part of Bob’s routine, like his claim, made over a period of years, that parishioners shouldn’t worry about the office staff, as they’d be retiring that year. In the latter situation, Bob seemingly thought that parishioners were too stupid to notice.

Then of course there are Bob’s lies under oath, like his claim that Mom, or someone purporting to be her, repeatedly made appointments with him and no-showed. The reality is that no one in my family has done so—that’s right, no one repeatedly made appointments with him and canceled. Yet he swore that this statement was true.

That fact pattern comports with narcissistic personality disorder, in which the narcissist makes up reality on the fly to suit his or her needs. It also may be an indicator of antisocial personality disorder, or a serial bully.

If this conduct on Bob’s part is indeed driven by mental illness, then Bob cannot have committed perjury, as by definition he’s not capable of recognizing reality. If that isn’t the cause, then Bob indeed committed perjury.

I don’t know which applies, but I have my strong suspicions, which I will not share here.

Of course, it’s also those thought processes that allow Bob to see no disconnect between his conduct and his facially false claims to be a Christian. Or to lie, yet get all bent out of shape when I point out that he’s a liar. It’s magical!

In the meantime, for the Christine Cheevers of the world who say that “this isn’t possible,” I say this: Just ask Bob for documentation. He has none.

Of course, because Christine’s view is faith-driven, she’ll never ask, because to do so would be to challenge her two-dimensional faith, which is not grounded in reality. 

But for those of you who have the courage to do so, ask Bob for his proof. I dare you.

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Lies from the Grace Vestry

Here’s another example of lies coming from Grace Church, this time from the vestry.

The first screen cap shows the vestry’s talking points, in which the vestry claims that I left the parish voluntarily. (Gotta love those “specific security measures,” — far better than “inchoate security measures.” And heaven knows—protesters are a HUGE risk to our national security. Who was the moron who came up with the First Amendment?)





The second is a written timeline from Dysfunctional Bob in which he states that I was removed from various church volunteer activities. That begs the issue—if I had already left “voluntarily,” why the need to “remove” me?



And here is Bob Malm’s email telling me to get lost, which tellingly includes Mike:



Apropos Bob’s denial of bullying behavior, the very fact that he’s lying about me and others entrusted to his pastoral care, and referring to me as “sick,” “twisted,” and “dysfunctional” disproves his assertion. Moreover here, for example, is a text message from Peter Barnes, after an incident of Bob’s bullying behavior at a church personnel committee meeting:




As to bullying generally, one need only look to the post from a college-aged parishioner urging me to kill myself to see just how dysfunctional and sick Grace Church really is:


It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when even the church vestry lies. If the vestry as a group can’t be counted on to tell the truth, what’s left? And saying, “Well, I don’t want to get involved,” doesn’t cut it—the vestry is responsible for the church’s temporal affairs.

Grace church, toxic church.


Saturday, April 6, 2019

Bob Malm: Yet Another of His Lies

Here’s another good example of Bob Malm’s lies and misrepresentations.

The first screen cap is a message I sent to Bob when things heated back up in the summer of 2017, after several communications from parishioners that were hateful and homophobic. Note that I discuss the importance of publicly saying that bullying is not okay, and of reminding people that both sides had put the matter behind us. What the email does NOT include:
  • Any discussion of a public forum.
  • Any discussion of an apology from Bob.
Moreover, this is the only email I sent to Bob on this subject.


Now, in Bob’s subsequent email to Bishop Shannon and Canon Pat Wingo, see how Bob describes my email. Note his references to a public forum and an apology, and his claim that I asked him to take responsibility for the conflict. These are, to be blunt, lies.


I’d add that apropos Mom and other family members, several of whom have independent grievances against Bob, Bob indeed has made no effort to resolve their concerns. In fact, he has never discussed the matter with them. And, of course, there is Bob’s little antic of taking words out of context roughly one-third of the way through his endless run-on sentence.

Meanwhile, Bob’s email underscores an important point: Bob Malm is a liar. Or, to use Sugarland Chiow’s phrase, a “serial liar.” 

As such, Bob should not be serving as a priest, and you can quote me on that.

Friday, April 5, 2019

Another Lie By Bob Malm

Here’s another lie by Bob Malm. In this email, sent to parishioner Easter Thompson, Bob Malm tells her that no one who knows Grace Church takes me seriously. That’s an interesting and false claim; discussion below the break.




  • On the one hand, Bob’s email tries to throw shade on my concerns by essentially saying that no one in the know agrees. Yet those concerns repeatedly have been experienced by others, including those “in the know.” For example, the Rev. Anne Turner, who once served as Bob’s assistant rector, has provided pastoral care to a member of the altar guild who allegedly was bullied by Linda Waskowiscz. During her time at Grace, Anne also experienced outbursts from the church office staff. Thus, bullying within the church and by office staff is well-substantiated, and has been experienced by someone intimately familiar with the parish.
  • On the other hand, Bob’s statement also contradicts his later assertions that people are “terrorized” by me. If no one takes me seriously, how are they terrorized?
The third aspect, of course, is that this illustrates the crux of Bob ‘s bullying. Not only does he play people against each other, but his comments are decidedly contrary to the values set forth in the gospels, and inappropriate as a pastoral matter. (Screen caps from “Ten Signs Your Church is Bullying You,” found here.)






Indeed, dismissing concerns from church members is itself a form of bullying.



Or, put another way, the more Bob tries to brush off my concerns, the more he proves that they are warranted, including that Bob himself is toxic, and that his behavior is inappropriate. Meanwhile, the fact that parishioners like Easter Thompson can receive emails like the one in question and not see anything wrong with Bob’s conduct makes clear that the church has become toxic at every level. (Easter’s comments also are noteworthy in that she’s never said anything directly to me, despite the fact that she has my contact information. Triangulation, anyone? And how she sees any connection between writing generally on church abuse and Grace Church is beyond me. Perhaps it’s time for Easter to reduce her consumption of alcohol.)

Lastly, as I have stated in previous posts, no agreement to “follow the bishop’s....directives,” was made in Fredericksburg. That is a bold-faced lie — and nonsensical, as well, for I was not a member of the diocese of Virginia by the time Bob wrote this email.


Thursday, March 14, 2019

Bob Malm’s Many Lies

Here, in a concise visual format, is a summary of some of Bob Malm’s lies. Some were lies he told to me. Others are lies he has told about me. Several were made under oath, and thus constitute perjury.

Of course, if Bob Malm wishes to produce documentation that my Mom has made appointments with him, for example, I am happy to publish that here. That said, unless he is prepared to fabricate that as well, he has no such proof.

Bob’s lies told under oath include:
  • That my Mom made appointments with him.
  • That his wife Leslie is the only family member that he knew to have blogged about our conflict. (He knew at the time he made the statement that his daughter Lindsey had as well.)
  • That I was never licensed as an attorney.
  • That I never served as police officer.
  • That I violated the existing court order.
Bob’s lie about trustees was told in front of Bishop Shannon Johnston and Canon Pat Wingo in Fredericksburg, and confirmed by his failure to produce documents, which my lawyer requested, to support his claim.

Bob’s lie about the church office staff was told to me in the church offices. I later found out that Bob allegedly told the same lie to Phil Smith several years prior, when the latter served as junior warden.

Keep in mind, too, that per the Episcopal canons, clergy are held to a higher standard. So if Bob tells you, “Well, we were pretty sure Eric never practiced law, so that came as a surprise,” ask when it became okay to present speculation as facts when offering pleadings in court. Then ask where the higher standard is for clergy. Keep in mind, too, that at no point did Bob add an sort of disclaimer, such as “based on our research, we believe that Mr. Bonetti did not practice law.” Instead, these were presented as facts, with no disclaimers or qualification.

Of course, the big granddaddy of all Bob’s lies is that he was threatened. Examining his own filing shows that he took words out of context in facially ludicrous fashion. For example, the presence of the word “suicide” on a blog does not constitute a threat, either as practical matter nor as a point of law. Similarly, Mom’s longstanding handle, “the Killer B’s,” is also used by members of pro sports teams, as well as a band in Richmond. Are those threats?

So, Bob is either a liar, or he’s a complete and total whack-a-doodle. They’re not mutually exclusive, however; my opinion is that Bob is both.

That also raises an interesting issue: Jeff “Sugarland” Chiow has said he represents the church, Bob, and Bob’s wife, Leslie. With ample evidence available to Jeff that his client has lied, is he obligated to act in Bob’s best interest? The church’s? If it’s the former, Sugarland is obligated to maintain a confidence. If it’s the latter, he may have obligations to disclose to the parish. Certainly, Sugarland’s aiding and abetting Bob’s perjury has not done much to help the church’s standing in the community, and it makes a mockery of the whole notion of Lent as a season of repentance and introspection. But then, given Sugarland’s inclusion of various fabrications as well as inflammatory rhetoric in his pleadings, I wouldn’t look to Jeff as a source of ethical conduct.

Bob Malm’s lies

Sunday, September 30, 2018

See for Yourself: Lying Episcopal Priest Bob Malm Seeks Discovery Sanctions

Determined to prove, once and for all, that Grace Church is toxic, and that he has repeatedly breached the confidentiality mandated by church canons, Episcopal fake priest Bob Malm recently filed the attached motion, in which he is trying to get discovery sanctions against me for allegedly lying during discovery.

Between these issues, and Bob Malm’s repeated lies to the court (that I was never admitted to practice law, that I didn’t serve as a police officer, and that I have violated the existing court order), Bob’s references to me as “sick,” “twisted,” and “dysfunctional, as well as his efforts to drag my mother, dying of COPD, into court, this is one seriously screwed up church.

Meanwhile, I am considering filing a separate legal action against the church and Bob Malm. Stay tuned.