Thursday, July 4, 2019

See for Yourself: Bob Malm Refers to Me as a “Sad Individual, Starving for Attention” in an Email to the St. Dysfunction Vestry

Here we have another email in which Bob Malm tries to discredit me by referring to me as a “sad individual, starved for attention.” That’s a curious claim, since I state in writing in December 2017 that I wanted no further contact from Bob Malm.

As always, we see a total lack of appropriate pastoral presence on Bob Malm’s part, as well as the usual organizational narcissism of St. Dysfunction. And the “constant support” of the diocese—yet another reason to throw in the towel when it comes to the Diocese of Virginia.

BTW, where can I get an “itched” window? Bob’s window surely must make him the center of attention! LOL

#fakechristians





Love Your Neighbor....

Unless Bob Malm decides otherwise!




Tuesday, July 2, 2019

A Shout-Out to Jason Roberson

I suppose this is the point where I’m supposed to welcome you to Grace Church. But, having been declared persona non grata by Dysfunctional Bob, that doesn’t seem appropriate. And besides, after my experiences with Grace Episcopal, Bob Malm, and DioVA, I’m done. Done with The Episcopal Church, and done with organized religion.

That said, I wanted to comment on your arrival. Specifically, you talk on your Facebook page about standing with the marginalized, and transforming unjust systems. Believe it or not, I like that. But I don’t understand how you can reconcile that with the fact that Bob Malm commits perjury, bears false witness, and subpoenas the dying.

Of course, Bob’s worked hard on his smear campaign, so you’ll hear lots of ugly comments about me at Grace. That’s par for the course, given parishioners gossiping about everything from the recently married guy in the church (supposedly gay), to someone with a penile implant. Seriously.

But if you are serious about social justice, I challenge you to ask Bob for his proof that my mother, or someone claiming to be her, repeatedly set up appointments with him and canceled. Bob said that, in writing, under oath, citing it as part of his claim that he’d been threatened.

So, I doubt you’re serious about these things. But if you are, show me. Like Doubting Thomas, I’ll believe it when I see it.

In the meantime, I’ll probably see you while I’m out protesting. Feel free to “stand with me” any time. Or if you really want to surprise me, call me or email me. You’d be only the second person in the parish to actually talk with me about things.

So, let’s see how sincere you really are.

Game on.




Really Scary

After wasting more than $1 million since 2004 on feckless priest Dysfunctional Bob, the church will probably take up a purse for him when he leaves. Pretty ironic, given how Bob’s action’s have damaged Grace Church.




Monday, July 1, 2019

Grace Episcopal Alexandria: Church of the $100,000 Bonus

Does your priest or pastor get $100,000 bonuses? Unless you’re dealing with a mega-church, the answer probably is no.

But Grace Episcopal Church Alexandria, paid Bob Malm a $100,000 bonus in 2014. That, on top of more than $24K members gave to the Malm family to help after Bob broke his neck.

Even worse, one vestry member, Lisa Medley, wanted to make the bonus $200,000–a full 1/5 of the church’s annual budget.

Must be great to have money to burn, especially when you’re giving to a priest who is already wildly overpaid. Nor is Dysfunctional Bob overworked—he ignores those aspects of his job he doesn’t like, including the HR, facilities, and other administrative components. Neither does Bob feel the need to show up at the food pantry, or homeless shelter, or much of anything else other than the occasional VOICE meeting.

Nor is the only example of egregious waste. For example, the parish drew down several thousand dollars of savings to pay for a lavish farewell party for head of school Chris Byrnes. Yet church staff get no such send-off; they get a cake at coffee hour. That begs the question: Why do school staff get preference over church staff?

Just yet another wrinkle that shows that Grace Church is one dysfunctional, screwed up place.




Sunday, June 30, 2019

Why Do Bystanders Ignore Abuse?

Following is a screen cap of an excellent Twitter thread from Wade Mullen, a baptist minister who does a lot of work on abuse. 

Find Wade on Twitter at @wad3mullen.




Leafleting and Protests This Week

As promised, protests and leafleting continue this week. Specifically, I’ll be doing the few remaining streets left undone in Del Ray, a few small side streets in Beverly Hills, and a larger chunk of Potomac Yards.

I’ll also be protesting at least two days this week, with plans under way for adding several new fora to my Rita.

Fun times on Planet Malm!

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Grace Episcopal Alexandria: The Clergy Perjury Parish


Protests and Dysfunctional Bob’s Retirement

With news of Dysfunctional Bob’s retirement now official (and woefully overdue), someone asked if things here at BobMalm.com will change. The answer, at least for now, is a resounding “Hell no!”

Why? The answer is easy. It’s because of the complicity of people like Sugarland Chiow, with his inflammatory rhetoric, various courtroom falsehoods, and efforts to bully the dying. It’s about the Lisa Medley’s and Leslie Malm’s of the church, with their lies. It’s about the Eric Waskowiscz’s and Amy Medrick’s of the parish, with their middle fingers in the air, testifying to the reality of their Christian faith.  It’s about the Alison Campbell’s who don’t see any conflict between bullying people and their claim to be Christians (or feel justified based on their faulty understanding of my conflict with Kelly Gable.) And it’s about the college-aged parishioner who thinks it’s okay to urge people to commit suicide. (That BTW, is a sign of a seriously skewed ethical reference point and an utterly bankrupt “Christian” faith as well as possible mental illness.) 

Then we have Kirk Steffensen threatening Mike’s job, Leslie Steffensen and her innuendo to third parties that I can’t be trusted with money, and the fabrications from Bob Malm’s kids, claiming I steered work to AES; wonder who gave them that idea. Not.

And the list goes on.

It’s also about all those referenced above who dutifully drag their children to church, never thinking that their children are or someday will be smart enough to recognize the hypocrisy of their parents. (Does Sugarland Chiow really think his kids will read his various courtroom fabrications and still consider themselves to be Christians? Or see that their father supported Dysfunctional Bob’s facially obvious taking words out of context as part of his request for a protective order? Or not understand that doing so is every bit as much a lie as telling an outright falsehood? Color Jeff and his wife clueless.)

In short, Grace Episcopal church is mired in hypocrisy and conflict after 30 years of Dysfunctional Bob. It is a toxic church and will continue to be a toxic church long after Dysfunctional Bob drags his lazy, fat, perjuring carcass off to Jekyll Island.

For the record, nothing I have seen suggests that people at the church understand what a screwed up place it is, or how many people have been hurt, both by Bob’s narcissism and by the church’s organizational narcissism.

Moreover, people need to know that this is how Grace Church rolls. Yes, people are friendly, but that in no way offsets the abusive behavior that occurs at every level of the church. Those considering getting involved in the church need to know that this sort of thing is part and parcel of life on Planet Malm.

Oh, and beginning February 2020, should Dysfunctional Bob decide to work as an interim or supply clergy, I or others may show up to protest. People need to know that this is the sort of priest that Bob is.

So, no changes here. 




Thursday, June 27, 2019

Bishop Susan Goff: Does She Also Approve of Sexual Abuse Absent a Criminal Conviction?

Bishop Susan Goff approves of perjury

Today’s post examines Bishop Susan Goff’s ludicrous decision to cover-up Bob Malm’s perjury. Specifically, the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia recently held that it will not address Bob Malm’s perjury in our court case unless Bob is convicted of the crime of perjury. This is an absurd outcome and demonstrates the diocese’s true motive, which is to avoid dealing with Dysfunctional Bob’s spiritual abuse.

In a decision drafted by the Rev. Sven vanBaar, rector of the unfortunate Episcopal parish in Abingdon Virginia, the diocese held that it cannot conclude that Dysfunctional Bob committed perjury, as he hasn’t been convicted of the same.

That, of course, is the logical fallacy of appeal to ignorance. An example of such an argument is: 1) People believe in God. 2) The existence of God has never been proven. 3) Thus, God does not exist.

Similarly, the fact that Bob has not been convicted of perjury doesn’t mean he didn’t commit perjury. 

The other side of Sven’s argument, which is that the canons prohibit illegal conduct, also is a logical fallacy. Yes, they prohibit illegal conduct, but they also expressly prohibit conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, or misrepresentation.

Of course, it may be that Sven is merely the clueless wonder when it comes to forming a logical paradigm. That’s where Bishop Susan Goff comes in, who must also sign off on any dismissal of a Title IV complaint. Being a bishop, one would hope she could organize her thoughts in a logical manner, or show a little integrity. Obviously, that didn’t happen here.

So, that’s where the Rev. Melissa Hollerith, our favorite ethics instructor and chair of the Diocese of Virginia Disciplinary Committee, comes in. But she too doesn’t see a problem with this approach either, which would suggest that logic and ethics aren’t the real issues. I mean, we’re batting three for three. Collusion and coverup, anyone?

Thus, if follow the diocese’s logic in this case, and apply it to other cases, where does that leave us?

In the case of child sexual abuse, for example, the underlying conduct is illegal. It’s also specifically proscribed by the Episcopal church clergy disciplinary canons. But assuming that the diocese follows its new rule that clergy misconduct won’t be investigated absent a criminal conviction, it is virtually impossible to do anything about clergy who engage in such conduct. And in fact there probably is no need to: Any priest already convicted of criminal sexual conduct likely faces jail time or other serious impediments to serving as a priest. Thus, the entire Title IV clergy process is irrelevant.

So, how do you feel about a church/school where clergy apparently are free to engage in any form of misconduct at all as long as they’re not convicted? Or where the diocese provides no protection whatsoever against clergy misconduct?

For the record, Bob Malm has not been accused of sexual misconduct. But the fact that the diocese is unwilling to address his perjury should be cause for alarm on multiple levels.

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Grace Episcopal Alexandria: Lessons from a Toxic Church

Growing up, I had preconceived notions about toxic churches. But after my experiences with Grace Episcopal church in Alexandria, I now know that many of my ideas were nothing but stereotypes. As such, these ideas had a kernel of truth, but they missed the larger point. Indeed, I had so little understanding of what really goes on in a toxic church that I was a member of one and never knew it.

So, what did I think constituted a toxic church? My answer probably would be consistent with that of most liberal Episcopalians. Conservative, fundamentalist churches that excluded people, that held to complementarianism, that had rigid doctrinal positions, and had theologies of cheap grace, in which you uttered a magic phrase about turning your life over to Jesus, and bingo! Everything suddenly is right in the world.

Factoring into this was the notion that abusive churches often claim to have all the answers.

But during my time at Grace, I came to understand that liberal, ostensibly inclusive churches often claim to have all the answers too. The packaging may be nicer, but they can be every bit as bad as the most vigorous Pentecostal church, and then some.

Often, this tilt toward abuse is marked by a charismatic, but narcissistic, leader.  This person may appear charming and hyper-confident, but the focus is on them, versus God. Yes, their sermons may be wonderful and cogent, but if you listen closely, they almost always include some reference to themselves. Oftentimes this will take the form of subtle references to something they think makes them special, like the sports they played in school or some leadership position they have held.

Another clue: A rector or other leader who avoids dealing with conflict. This allow them to duck criticism, which narcissists avoid at all costs. And it allows ample opportunity for the narcissist to play people against each other—a favorite pastime of narcissists everywhere. But it is the whims of this “leader” that become the answer set in stone—the hallmark of abusive churches.

Having explored the relationship between narcissism and abuse, let’s explore a few other myths before we go further:
  • Abusive churches are not necessarily unwelcoming. Indeed, many are extraordinarily friendly.
  • Being in an abusive church isn’t necessarily an unhappy experience; it certainly is possible to be happy in an abusive church. In fact, most members enjoy their experiences with an abusive church. So they often are happy places—just unhealthy.
  • Abusive churches often are not collapsing, but may be holding their own or even thriving.
So how do you spot an abusive church? Look for one where boundaries are not clear, or have been eroded.  For example, most psychologically healthy people would not urge another person to commit suicide. Yet, that is exactly what one teenager at Grace Church did to me, with zero recognition of the underlying irony. Same goes for calling people “sickos,” “sick,” “twisted,” and all the other verbal BS that pours forth at Grace Church. (For the record, one of the worst offenders is Bob Malm, with a close second being immediate members of his family.

Also, if there is a sense of betrayal if people criticize church leadership, that is a sign of trouble. In my case, members of Grace Church will actually flip me off as they roll past, oblivious to the irony, especially when I am protesting the church’s behavior toward my terminally ill mother.

Another sign: Conditional friendships. If your church loves you when you are patching the leaky basement, but defriends you on Facebook when you leave the church and criticize it, you’re not dealing with a church—you’ve got a religious fraternity/sorority on your hands.

Yet another symptom: Lack of accountability. If your clergy person is “out of town” any time he or she feels like it, there’s an issue. Same for lack of servant leadership. If you’ve never heard your priest ask, “What can I do to help?,” be wary. Better yet, run.

Still another warning that a church is abusive is members who feel it is their place to discipline other members. Altar guild not talking to you because you ordered the wrong flowers or made a change it didn’t like? If so, that’s hardly the stuff of Christ, and if members are honest, they know it. This sort of emphasis on power and control tells you this is a church that has lost its way. Hopefully you won’t lose your way as you run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.

Financial reporting also is a warning sign. If, for example, even vestry members don’t see line item details, particularly for church payroll, you should be very, very suspicious. Why can’t you see that information? It’s your donations that pay those salaries.

Another clue: Look for people who instinctively know that things will come unglued when an abusive leader leaves. The observer may not recognize that the situation is abusive, but any church whose health hinges on a single person is not healthy.

Finally, abusive churches, which are masters of double-speak, often hide behind empty claims of exceptionalism and triumphalism. If you hear about how your church practices “true religion,” or is a “special place,” be wary. And if attendance is dwindling but your church claims to be a slice of paradise, ask why people are leaving such a wonderful place.

And yes, I have observed all these behaviors and phenomena at Grace Church under Bob Malm. So yes, Grace Church is abusive.


Friday, June 21, 2019

Bob Malm: Wartburg Watch Tweet Covering His Claim that I am a “Domestic Terrorist” Seen More than 200,000 Times

There’s an old adage in PR: Sometimes, the best way to argue against someone is to use his own words against him.

That’s true, and I am circulating widely Bob Malm’s false and ludicrous courtroom claims that I am a “domestic terrorist.”

As of yesterday, my tweet announcing the Wartburg Watch article on this topic has been seen more than 200,000 times, with a focus on audiences in the 20-30 age group. 




Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Presiding Bishop Michael Curry and ABC Welby: Both Deficient When it Comes to Abuse

One of the things about churches and abuse is how consistent the former is when it comes to abuse. Consider the similarities between the recent findings of the independent investigation into abuse in the Church of England (CoE) and how Presiding Bishop Michael Curry handles allegations of clergy abuse.

In the recent investigation into the CoE and its handing of sexual abuse, the commission found that victims of abuse tried multiple times to contact now archbishop Justin Welby, only to receive no meaningful response. That’s right. The big brush-off. The cold shoulder. The don’t let the door hit you on the way out routine.

Similarly, some time ago, I arranged to hand deliver a message to Michael Curry, asking for his help in resolving issues with the diocese of Virginia and Dysfunctional Bob. The result? You guessed it. Utter silence. Not even the courtesy of a form letter.

Yet in both cases, the Episcopal Church and the CoE claim to take abuse seriously. They babble on with their endless claptrap about the baptismal covenant and the duty to respect the dignity of every human being. But even at the highest levels, abuse is fine. 

Small wonder, then that the bishops of Virginia say that they will only address abuse if there is a criminal conviction.

That seems to be the motto of The Episcopal Church when it comes to abuse: As little as possible, as late as possible, and made as difficult as possible.

At this point, I hope I live to see the day when The Episcopal Church closes. The world will be a better place without its hypocrisy and lies.

Friday, June 14, 2019

Farewell, Fraud!

You know you’ve said farewell to the fraud that is The Episcopal Church when your palm cross from Palm Sunday hits the trashcan!






Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Update: Leafleting

A combination of pleasant weather over the past few days and Bob Malm’s recent tantrum on Russell Road, together with some recent improvements in operational efficiency, have led to.me stepping up leafleting in the Alexandria area. 

Plans are to do 1000 homes on Friday, weather permitting. I’ve also been invited to speak on an podcast about abusive churches that day. And I hope to protest somewhere in the city during the next few days.

Details to come!





Sunday, June 9, 2019

Protests Today: Will I Ever Finish My New Video?

Well, protests today on Russell Road were fun. The usual smattering of parishioners pretending not to see me, Mary Stewart rolling through to take photos (which, when you’re 100 feet away, rather puts the lie to Dysfunctional Bob’s claim that people are “terrorized” of me. Just saying.), and one parishioner giving me the One-Gun Salute to Jesus. (He was probably humming, “They’ll Know We are Christians By Our Love.”) 

But the latter raises an issue: If people at St. Dysfunction are actually learning to act like Christians, what will become of my video, “God’s Grace for All II”? I was really hoping for a few more One-Gun Salutes to Jesus. ;-)

Meanwhile, true to form, Dysfunctional Bob takes center stage, as his little tantrum thus far qualifies as my keynote. Gotta love a priest who jumps out of his car and starts screaming.







Saturday, June 8, 2019

More Media Coverage Coming!

Breaking news! More media coverage of Dysfunctional Bob, Sugarland Chiow, and the #fakechristians crowd at Grace Episcopal. 

Coming July 4 weekend, to a media outlet near you!




See for Yourself: My Comments to St. Albans School About Melissa Hollerith

As I posted previously, it is shocking, alarming, and somewhat amusing that Melissa Hollerith, who is prepared to say that perjury by priests is okay as long as they don’t get convicted for it, teaches ethics at the prestigious St. Albans school.

With that in mind, I sent the following message to both the headmaster and the chair of her department. Predictably enough, neither had the umm...spine...to respond, but I believe this is a valid question. Do you really want to spend just shy of $60K a year to send your son to a school that has such a thin grip on ethics? Do you really think he is going to learn the right sort of life lessons from a priest who is morally bankrupt?

The fact that Melissa has any role in the church at all shows just how bad things have become in The Episcopal Church. And no, I am not a member of the GAFCON crowd. I say that as someone who is politically progressive and inclusive.

The Episcopal Church is dying, and rightly so.




Thursday, June 6, 2019

An Invite to Dysfunctional Bob, Sugarland Chiow, and Folks at Grace Episcopal Alexandria

In a few weeks, my dispute with Bob Malm will be four years old. Happy birthday, dear dispute.

So, this seems like the perfect time to extend this invitation and challenge. Here goes.

Bob likes to claim that I’m engaging in “online/outdoor defamation/slander.” (Guess that’s better than the indoor variant.) 

While Bob, like most at Grace Episcopal, has no idea what defamation and slander are, this also is part of the standard abusive clergy back of tricks. Engage in smear campaigns, claim your critics are defaming you, and more. You know the drill.

That said, I’m calling folks out on this. Talk’s cheap, and Bob is a master of substance-free communication. Pretty words, lots of smiles and hugs, sounds good, but nothing to it. It’s now time for Dysfunctional Bob, Sugarland Chiow, and the rest of the fake Christian crowd at Grace to put their money where their mouths are and sue me. 

You argue that you’re being defamed. Go to court and prove it. That’s right. Time to man up and file suit. Go for it.

And while you’re trying, see how fast I prove that you repeatedly lied under oath. See how quickly I prove that NO member of my family, or anyone claiming to be them, repeatedly made appointments with you and cancelled. See how fast I show that you committed perjury. See how fast I show you even lied to your own church, telling members that Mike and I left on our own.

Bob Malm has a big mouth, and he likes to yell and bully, especially if he thinks his target won’t fight back. But I predict he doesn’t have the spine to put his money where his mouth is and prove his assertions.

Oh, and by the way: This whole conflict shows just how stupid Bob Malm really is. There’s no fact pattern out there in which he and Grace Church win. None. And every time he has tried to force me to back down, he’s just cemented my resolve.

So, time to put for Dysfunctional Bob and Sugarland Chiow to put on their big girl panties and belly up to the bar.

Game on!






Jesus Died for You. Now Act Like It.

In honor of the hypocrisy of Dysfunctional Bob, Sugarland Chiow, and St. Dysfunction Episcopal Church.




Monday, June 3, 2019

Check it Out: More Dysfunctional Bob Fun and Games

Check it out! Dysfunctional Bob and the good Christians of Grace Church are at it again.

Needless to say, if you are church shopping, keep in mind that this is how Bob Malm spends his time. And it’s what members of Grace church get for the $200K a year they shovel out to keep Dysfunctional Bob financially afloat. Weasel attacks.

That said, you gotta hand it to Bob. Once he steps out of his priest role, he’s nothing if not consistent. Narcissistic, with a heavy dose of vile, vicious, and vindictive slathered on top, and rich layers of dishonesty in the middle. Nothing even remotely Christian about him — and the scary thing is, he doesn’t appear to see any inconsistency between his professed beliefs and his personal conduct.




Breaking News: My Buddy Dee Parsons is Covered by the Washington Post

Check it out!

My buddy, Dee Parsons, who has written two blistering pieces covering Bob Malm’s misconduct and the resulting coverup by the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, is garnering front-page coverage on The Washington Post. The preliminary piece appears here.

As the story mentions, Dee got her start when an alleged pedophile was discovered at her former SBC church. Since then, she has covered numerous cases, including the Jules Woodson case.

I’d add that Dee also has a niche market; she is one of the few bloggers to give equal air time to spiritual abuse. That’s huge, because in a day and age when the church is consumed by sex, my belief is that the majority of abuse is spiritual, not sexual. Indeed, while hard statistics are not available, an article I published anonymously on shunning in The Episcopal Church, published in Episcopal Cafe, garnered dozens and dozens of comments, all sharing experiences of being shunned by clergy.

Congrats, Dee! Keep up the good work.




Sunday, June 2, 2019

My Response to Susan Goff, Melissa Hollerith, and Sven vanBaars: Your Next Pharisee Merit Badge Awaits!

As I’ve said many times, one of the positive things about my kerfuffle with Dysfunctional Bob is that it has made clear that, at every level, The Episcopal Church is morally bankrupt. I mean, where else can you find a bishop, a priest who teaches ethics, and a parish rector, all of whom are prepared to conclude that perjury by clergy is actionable only if there’s a conviction? Or who don’t have a problem with a priest who is so much a bully that he drives up to former parishioners, climbs out of his vehicle, then screams and makes threats? Who think it’s okay to try to drag a dying woman into court? 

It’s good to know what the church is really about, before I waste any more time or money on it.

With that in mind, here is my response to Bishop Susan Goff, Disciplinary Chair the Rev. Melissa Hollerith, and the Rev. Sven vanBaars. I was on the road when Melissa’s letter came through, so it has a few typos and mechanical issues, but it does the trick. 

And yes, just like the Scribes and Pharisees, all three are utter hypocrites. They are invested in the business of The Episcopal Church, look forward to generous defined benefit plans in retirement, and can feel good about their largely meaningless support for LGBTQIA+ rights and other social issues. But when it comes to actually living a moral life, resisting injustice and oppression, ensuring the ethical and mission integrity of the church, and following Christ, forget it. All three are full of crap, and you can quote me on that. The sooner The Episcopal Church goes away the better the world will be.

Oh, and lest you had any doubt, no pastoral response this time, either. So the CANA/GAFCON crowd can say in all fairness that they are entitled to ignore Episcopal canons. After all, the Episcopal church itself ignores its own canons when it finds it convenient to do so.

A final observation: The best way to avoid being criticized for being a hypocrite is to not be a hypocrite. When you lie under oath, make false representations of law and fact to court, try to drag a dying woman into court, go after Mike, engage in smear campaigns, and lie to parishioners (like claiming I left Grace church on my own), you can only go on so long before people call your bluff. 




Friday, May 31, 2019

Church Times Article on Abuse and the Church Sounds Painfully Familiar

The sad saga of the late John Smyth, who allegedly brutally beat more than 100 boys while operating church summer camps connected with the Church of England, has been front and center in the UK, as media examine both the allegations and accusations that church officials ignored and covered up the allegations for decades. The controversy, which reaches all the way to the Archbishop of Canterbury, sounds painfully similar to the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia and its role in covering up and ignoring Bob Malm’s misconduct. As such, it serves as a cautionary tale of the myriad ways church officials abuse power as they seek to protect to the reputation of the church.

Before we go further, I want to be clear: Bob Malm is not accused of sexual misconduct, and Smith’s alleged conduct does not imply or suggest similar activity on Bob Malm’s part.

What is telling, however, is that the allegations about Smyth swirled from the 1980’s until his death approximately 30 years later. Not only does it appear that senior church officials were repeatedly informed, but at one point a senior official urged Smyth to leave the country. He then moved to Zimbabwe, where allegations of misconduct were almost constant. 

It was not, however, until a youth under his care was found dead that any effort was made to hold Smyth accountable. The resulting criminal charges were later dropped when an official in the case was found to have a conflict of interest.

Survivors further allege that the Justin Welby, the present Archbishop of Canterbury, has known for many years of the allegations, and to this day has not requested to see documentation of the abuse compiled by survivors. Here is what the Church Times says about Welby:

Andrew Graystone, an advocate for the survivors, said that he was aware of 26 victims in the UK, of whom two are deceased, bringing the estimated number of alleged victims to 116.

He said: “I have spent the last three years researching Smyth’s life and his abuse. One of the most alarming and difficult facts of the case is that so many people in the Church have deliberately chosen to look away. . .

“Archbishop Welby is aware that I have this information, too, but for the last two and a half years he has chosen not to ask for it.”

A spokesperson for Lambeth Palace said: “We would urge anyone who has information pertaining to victims of abuse to give it to the police or relevant statutory authorities immediately.”

The Archbishop has always maintained that at no time was he aware of the abuse taking place. It is understood that he has offered to meet survivors, and that he is committed to a review taking place with or without other parties involved.

Last month, a group of survivors wrote to Lambeth Palace to correct the Archbishop of Canterbury’s assertion that Smyth was “not actually an Anglican” — a comment made during an interview on Channel 4 News (News, 18 April). The letter lists 14 points of dispute about the Archbishop’s comments, including that Smyth had been a licensed Reader in the diocese of Winchester.

These comments appear very similar to the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia’s comments about Bob Malm’s conduct. Pretty words, but no substance, and an absolute unwillingness to actually do anything to address Malm’s perjury and other abuse/abuse of power.

Read the full Church Times article here.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Bob’s Tantrum Proves What I’ve Said All Along—He’s a Bully!

Consider, for a moment, Bob Malm’s claim that this entire situation is a fabrication on my part. Leaving aside the copious written documentation, and the abysmal conduct of Dysfunctional Bob and Sugarland Chiow in court, Dysfunctional Bob’s recent tantrum proves my underlying point.

Anyone who would climb in his vehicle, drive over, climb over, and start screaming and threatening not only thinks that this behavior will somehow get him what he wants, but also has profound challenges when it comes to conflict resolution, and a near-zero understanding of the Christian faith. Moreover, Bob’s antics, including screaming at neighbors, make me wonder whether he is mentally ill. Certainly, anyone capable of such conduct also is someone who should be considered dangerous.

Yes, Bob does a credible imitation of the kindly, caring priest, but that’s the act. As I have said many times, the real Bob Malm in his whole Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde routine is vile, vicious, and vindictive.

Of course, Grace parishioners will do their best to avoid this inconvenient truth, as it would involve revisiting conclusions they reached long ago about their own faith community. But the reality is simple: Bob Malm is a bully. Bob Malm is toxic.




Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Looking for an Inclusive Church? A Center for Outreach and Healing? If so, visit Grace Episcopal Alexandria

Looking for a friendly, welcoming church? A center for outreach and healing? If so, here’s a great example of the way people at Grace Episcopal Alexandria talk to others under Bob Malm’s reign.


If this is your idea of the Christian faith, please join Grace Episcopal this Sunday. 

You will be warmly welcomed!


Saturday, May 25, 2019

What if the Catholic Church Were As Morally Bankrupt as The Episcopal Church?

Potential logical construct construct for Catholic Churches, based on the model of the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia under Bishop Susan Goff:

1. Sexual abuse is illegal.

2. Many priests have not actually been convicted of sexual abuse.

3. Therefore, those priests must be innocent of sexual abuse.

4. Thus, the church will not investigate allegations of sexual abuse by clergy.

Yes, people are outraged at issues in the Catholic church, and rightly so. But the Catholic church takes abuse more seriously than does the Episcopal Church, which tells you just how morally bankrupt the Episcopal church is.

Susan Goff, Melissa Hollerith, Sven vanBaar — fake Christians. Ethically clueless.

Susan Goff, fake Christian


Thursday, May 23, 2019

Protests Today: Wonder if Dysfunctional Bob Will Show Up and Make More Terroristic Threats

Later today, I’ll be leafletting another large swath of Alexandria, and protesting along Russell Road. Anyone wanting to say hello or, as the good Christians of Grace Episcopal are wont to do, flip me the bird, are welcome to roll by Perjury Place around 3.

I wonder if Dysfunctional Bob will roll by and make more terroristic threats. If so, I’ll not only get some great video footage, but I’ll also immediately file criminal charges against Bob. 

Bob Malm, perjuring priest.




Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Mom’s Response to the Diocese’s Announcement that Perjury is Okay

Here’s mom’s response after struggling through my response to Melissa Hollerith’s decision that perjury is acceptable conduct for Episcopal clergy.

It’s pretty bad when even hospice patients tell the diocese that it’s ethical trailer park trash.

#fakechristians

Melissa Hollerith:Truth in Advertising?

Check it out—a screen cap of Melissa Hollerith’s Twitter account, in which she claims to be sharing “love, forgiveness and grace.” 

To that, I say bullshit.

How can she make this claim when she just signed off on the notion that perjury is okay for Episcopal clergy as long as they’re not convicted? When she and other officials repeatedly ignore church canon law in order to avoid dealing with abusive clergy? When it’s okay for clergy to try and drag the dying into court, to threaten people, to bully other Christians and more?

Jesus would have no use for Melissa and the other modern-day Scribes and Pharisees of the Episcopal Church, where criminal conduct is okay. 

Just don’t get convicted.

PS Amusingly enough, Melissa teaches ethics at St. Albans school. If that’s where our future is leading, the Episcopal Church is already as good as gone.




Tuesday, May 21, 2019

The Rev. Melissa Hollerith Confirms that Perjury is Okay for Episcopal Clergy Absent Conviction

Check it out: Melissa Hollerith, wife of the Dean of Washington National Cathedral, today confirmed in writing that perjury is acceptable conduct for Episcopal clergy in the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia. Here is her memo:

And here is my response:



It is small wonder that, with so little ethical reference point, the Episcopal Church is collapsing. Indeed, the world will be a better place without it.



Monday, May 20, 2019

Article on Surviving Church

By the way, another story addressing Bob Malm’s perjury has been published. It’s on the Rev. Stephen Parson’s blog, Surviving Church. 

An internationally recognized expert on abusive churches, Stephen previously reviewed Bob Malm’s conduct, terming it “one of the cruelest forms of conduct one human can inflict on another,” and “abusive.” Yet the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia is good with it.

Another 250 Homes Leafletted This Morning

And more later this week — all sharing the bad news of Bob Malm, and a denomination that says perjury is okay for clergy as long as they aren’t convicted. 

Yes, that would be the Episcopal Church.




Friday, May 17, 2019

More Media Coverage Coming to Planet Malm



The Arrogance of the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia: A Sign of Decline

Canon Mary Thorpe

It’s amazing, really. At a time when the rate at which The Episcopal Church is shedding members is surpassed only by the losses of the Presbyterian Church USA (and even that is questionable), the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia is going pedal-to-the-metal in its efforts to drive away members. How does it do that? Chiefly through its incredible blind arrogance and belief that somehow people cannot exist without the church. In short, that it is, in the words of Saturday Night Live, “specccial.”

For example, in a letter to me and the other two complainants in one of the Title IV cases, intake officer Caroline Parkinson, after accusing us of “distracting, disingenous, and duplicitous” conduct, prattled on about how there would be no point to a Title IV case, as our alleged conduct would interfere with the Title IV goals of healing and reconciliation. That, of course, does four things:
  • Conveniently overlooks Bob Malm’s misconduct.
  • Assigns blame for the problem in the victims of Bob’s misconduct.
  • Demonstrates an utter lack of understanding of the dynamics of abuse, which is that victims often behave in ways that are not rational or helpful, up to and including things like alcoholism and suicide.
  • Ignores the fact that Title IV applies only to clergy. As in, clergy are always responsible for maintaining boundaries, full stop. And, as illustrated by the +Bruno case, in which allegations swirled about the conduct of parishioners, clergy are supposed to be accountable for their conduct, regardless.
Caroline also violated confidentiality by disclosing a third complaint, and by lumping all three complaints together.

The real cherry on top, though, came  when she reverted to Jesus-babble in her letter, urging us to have the “grace to find a new church.”

Why on God’s green earth would anyone want anything to do with the church after this, including the diocese’s decision that retaliation for filing a Title IV complaint is acceptable?

Then we get to Caroline’s lie, which is that the diocese had already considered the matter of Bob’s decision to remove our names from the church directory the previous summer. Leaving aside the fact that there was no advisor, or communication from the reference panel, which means there likely was no reference panel that summer, the issue of the directory didn’t arise until that fall. All I can say is that I was not aware that the ability to time travel was one of the benefits of ordination. How special.

Similarly, Canon Mary Thorpe, whose husband serves as Executive Director of the Virginia Institute of Pastoral Care, should surely have a handle both on Title IV and the pastoral implications of violating the promises Title IV sets forth to laity. Yet she apparently has said nothing about:
  • The outrageous and appalling conclusion set forth in the most recent Title IV notice of dismissal that perjury by members of the clergy is acceptable as long as there is no criminal violation. 
  • The fact that the diocese has repeatedly ignored the requirement of a pastoral response in all Title IV cases, including those involving dismissal. (Indeed, mapping out a pastoral response should be one of the first things to happen when a complaint is filed. But I guarantee you that the diocese has done nothing in this regard. Indeed, a pastoral response should be implemented from the moment a complaint is filed.)
  • The fact that the diocese itself has repeatedly breached confidentiality in this matter, including through its violation of the Title IV whistleblower provisions.
Yet she wants to try to insist that I should keep the diocese’s actions confidential? All I can say is I call BS on that one. It takes a special kind of arrogance for the diocese to repeatedly violate Title IV in all directions, yet try to apply those very same provisions to laity. This, despite the fact that with the exception of one provision, Title IV expressly doesn’t apply to laity. 

What’s really sad, though, is that we have clergy, aka professional Christians, who get paid to do this stuff full-time, who consider Title IV so unimportant that they don’t bother to learn its requirements, or to follow them. And doubly sad when I, as laity (if that’s what you want to call a former Christian), am far more familiar with the provisions of Title IV than they are.

And for the record, this is not the only time that the Diocese has ignored the Title IV requirement of a pastoral response. In the case of the lovely small church of St. Thomas’ in McLean, the diocese violated not only every best practice out there (including having Pat Wingo show up unannounced to tell people that the rector had been suspended), but it adamantly refused to do anything to care for the parish in the aftermath.

Why? Per Bishop Shannon, it was because diocesan chancellor JP Causey had told them not to get too involved due to fears of legal liability. All I can say is that’s pretty rich, coming from a chancellor who oversaw litigation in which the diocese bloviated on for years in the courts about the applicability of church canons to its constituent parishes. And no, there is no allegation of wrongdoing within the parish itself. And yes, it was nice that +Shannon apologized, but having not done anything to actually repair the damage, the gesture was purely symbolic.

In the meantime, a number of parishioners have left St. Thomas’, several of them life-long members, yet no one has ever reached out to them to care for them or attempt to fix the hurt that the diocese has caused. Proof that, as laity, we’re supposed to keep our mouths shut and send money, nothing more. And if we leave, we are of no consequence to the diocese. Next customer, window three, step right up.

The great irony in all of this is that these situations have created a deep well of knowledge and of pain among those hurt by the church. If the diocese had half the common sense God gave a goat, it would follow the lead of one of the dioceses in California, which ultimately invited friends of mine who had left the church due to abuse to serve on its advisory panel for preventing abuse. As is often pointed out within nonprofits, your critics are often your most useful allies, if you can lean into things and not feel threatened. But the church is nowhere near that self-aware.

With that in mind, it’s time I think for the diocese to engage in a period of introspection and repentence. Much of the harm it has caused in recent years is irreparable, and signs suggest that things are going to get worse, not better. But ignoring the problem will only allow it to fester.

For example, when the day comes in the not-distant future that Dysfunctional Bob packs it in, Grace church is headed for a period of turmoil. No matter how skilled an interim may be things will get ugly, especially when folks eventually realize just how problematic Bob Malm was and is. Having a priest for 30+ years who considers it nothing but a job, and who exploited the church shamelessly for his personal needs, is not a good situation for even the healthiest of churches, and Grace is far from healthy. But neither the parish itself nor the diocese see this, so there’s a storm lurking just over the horizon. Yikes.

Will the diocese reverse course and take my conflict with Bob seriously? Not bloody likely. Nor does it perceive any need to actually follow Title IV. And it is so blindly narcissistic as an organization that it has no concept or empathy for the pain it has caused and continues to cause. Moreover, just like individual narcissists, who often wind up late in life being profoundly isolated and alone (as appears increasingly likely for Bob Malm), it doesn’t realize that it’s sowing the seeds for its own destruction, for this sort of conduct inevitably causes organizations to rot from within.

That’s particularly troubling in light of +Goff’s progressive creds, as well as her academic background in psychology. One would think she, of all people, would recognize the looming problems, but she appears to have no insight beyond the tactical, day-to-day business of the rapidly dwindling diocese. Yes, she is a better tactician than +Johnston, but that’s not saying much. Indeed, the hot mess that was the diocese’s effort to find a bishop transitional should be of profound concern at every level in the organization, as it shows that problems are both systemic and structural. 

The fact that, even at the highest levels, the diocese can’t see the forest for the trees, and doesn’t recognize just how troubled it is, bespeaks an organization that is ill-prepared for the future—a future that will be marked by sharply declining revenue and membership. And until it actually cares for its members — even those who, like me, it both dislikes and distrusts — and demonstrates an ethical worldview marked by something more than empty Jesus-babble, the diocese will continue to crumble.

Not a pretty sight.





Thursday, May 16, 2019

SpongeBob, Too!



Upcoming Leafletting and Protests

If Dysfunctional Bob thought his recent terroristic threats would do anything to back me down, he was wrong. Indeed, plans include leafletting another 1000 homes before the 24th, as well as holding protests along Russell Road and several other key places.

More to come!


Wednesday, May 15, 2019

More on Dysfunctional Bob’s Meltdown





One of the things that’s interesting about Dysfunctional Bob’s histrionics yesterday is that he still doesn’t get it. As in none of his bullying tactics will ever shut down our conflict. Indeed, every time he tries one of these stupid antics, I step things up on my end. In this case, my response has been to sharply increase paid advertising and leafletting in the NVA region.

Of course, that underscores another issue, which is that Bob’s worldview is diametrically opposed to the values of Christianity. Dysfunctional Bob is all about power and control; Jesus could have acted through these means, but chose not to.

It also illustrates another point, which is that while Dysfunctional Bob likes to tell people that he’s ignoring me, the reality is far different. But then, veracity never was his strong suit.

No matter how you parse it, Bob is profoundly incapable of responding to conflict. That said, I will not back down in the face of his terroristic threats.

My Email to Canon Mary Thorpe



After notifying the diocese that I have requested criminal charges against Dysfunctional Bob, there were several emails back and forth with Mary Thorpe, canon to the ordinary of the diocese. In her last one, she asked the following (emphasis added):

Thank you for the clarification, Eric. It is helpful to have a clearer picture of what happened from your perspective. And how far were you from the church property line? It is my understanding that there are restrictions as to how close you can stand to the church if you exercise your First Amendment rights in this way.

I am curious, though, now that I’ve looked at the blog, as to why you published the Disciplinary Report Notice of May 1, which clearly instructs you that “this matter is confidential and, except as authorized by Bishop Goff, you should not discuss it with anyone except your Advisor or your counsel.”

And here is my response (typos corrected):

I was well past 1000 feet, and that has been verified by the police. Additionally, I was well past 1000 feet from Bob’s home. Bob’s decision to engage in this behavior followed a conversation he had with his wife Leslie, who previously observed me there.

Apropos the canons and confidentiality, that was addressed in previous emails. Specifically:

1) With the exception of 1 provision, effective following last convention, Title IV applies only to clergy. As Robin Hammeal-Urban notes in her excellent book, “Wholeness After Betrayal,” laity have every right to disclose a Title IV complaint, and it is highly improper to suggest otherwise. Robin does suggest cautioning complainants who wish to do so that they may face ostracism if they choose to do so. Having renounced Christianity due to my experiences with DioVa and Bob, the latter is of no concern to me.

2) As I am not a Christian, the Diocese cannot instruct me to do anything. And with all respect, in light of its shocking proposition that perjury is only actionable if a conviction is secured, I will never agree to keep the diocese’s actions confidential.

3)  Having violated the whistleblower provisions of Title IV, which were effective 1 January 2019, the diocese is hardly in a position to argue for the sanctity of Title IV,

4) Having repeatedly ignored the requirement  under Title IV of a pastoral response (not the same as pastoral care) in all cases in which a complaint is made to the intake officer — including in the last case, where the reference panel specifically noted that requirement — again, the diocese cannot insist that I keep its repeated violations of Title IV confidential.

With all due respect, you are dealing with people’s lives and their faith. You don’t get to pick and choose which aspects of Title IV apply. And any church that thinks perjury is acceptable clergy conduct absent a criminal conviction is morally bankrupt anyway, and not one that anyone should join who values their personal integrity.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s an honest answer to your question.

Eric

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Check it Out! Bob Malm Has a Freak Out, Starts Making Terroristic Threats!

A few minutes ago, while out protesting on Russell Road, well past a 1,000 foot distance from Grace Episcopal Church and Dysfunctional Bob’s home, I was approached by Dysfunctional Bob, who drove up, pulled over, got out of his vehicle, and had what appeared to be a major psychological crisis. Bob was screaming and threatening, asking if I wanted him to get out a tape measure and if I wanted to get dragged off to jail. His decision to seek me out comes minutes after his wife Leslie rolled through.

I had no interaction, but instead jumped in Mike’s SUV, locked the doors, and called 911, since he appeared bent on violence and was screaming at neighbors as well. I had no contact with Bob or Leslie and, other than making myself scarce, did not respond to Bob’s threats.

Bob’s actions of course violate my written request to him to have no further contact, sent to him in December 2018. I also previously sent the same request to his attorney, Sugarland Chiow. Moreover, Bob has twice previously violated my request by contacting me once through my employer, and once through my church. (The former really makes wonder about Bob, as where I worked was not the public knowledge. Stalker alert!)

I therefore will seek criminal charges against Bob.

Of course, Bob’s actions put the lie to his claims that he fears for his safety. And his over-the-top conduct again leads me to suspect that Bob is mentally ill. (The neighbors who observed his behavior ran inside and locked the doors. Tell you anything?)

Here’s a photo of Bob’s SUV as he prepares to leave the scene of his meltdown:



And here is my email to him, also supplied during discovery, in which I instructed him to have no further contact.




Lastly, here is the relevant section of the Virginia Code, which makes clear that Bob’s behavior is prima facie evidence of criminal stalking.




Protect Children: Ban the Episcopal Church!

As a victim of childhood sexual abuse by an Episcopal priest, the one thing I have found over time is that the church does everything in its power avoid individual and collective accountability. So, I have concluded that the only way to ensure that children and other vulnerable people are safe is to ban the Episcopal Church altogether. 

With that in mind, I’m turning the attached images into bumper stickers soonest, and will begin distribution in a few weeks.

Many thanks to my British friend and fellow survivor for designing these—you know who you are!